An Encyclopedic Knowledge of the World's Countries
by FlyingAboveTheClouds
Summary: With so many interesting and or useless facts to learn about the various countries of the world, it's difficult to know them ALL, and sometimes the ways the countries learn these facts about their fellow nations are a little odd. Now you can learn some weird facts while simultaneously finding out how France reacts to the stuff they sell in Japanese vending machines!
1. Chapter 1

**Blah blah blah, I do not own Hetalia, Papa Hima does. Anyway, here are some interesting facts about the various countries of the world, along with little drabbles for your entertainment! **

_**Fact: There is a road in Wolverhampton, England called Hardon Road.**_

Britain quickly pulled his ringing cell phone out of his pocket and brought it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"HEY IGGY!"

Britain flinched upon hearing the ridiculous nickname. Irritated, he asked, "What is it, America?"

America, who had his cell phone pressed in between his neck and shoulder, was trying to drive with one hand (made even more difficult by the fact the he had not yet mastered driving on the left side of the road instead of the right) as he sipped some coffee. "Uhh…how do you get to your house from the airport? I think I'm lost."

Britain sighed, slightly exasperated, "Okay, you git, what road are you on?"

"Uh, I'm near the end of Cherry Valley Road."

"Okay, turn onto Hardon."

*Chokes* "WHAT!?"

_**Fact: The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. **_

"Ciao, Japan! Ciao, Greece!" Italy called out.

Japan looked up from his position sitting in the grass next to Greece, "Oh, konnichiwa, Itary-kun."

Italy sat down on the ground next to Japan. He looked over, at Greece, slightly confused. "Hey, Japan, what's Greece singing?"

"I shall always recognize you  
by the dreadful sword you hold  
as the Earth with searching vision  
you survey with spirit bold"

"I am pretty sure that is his national anthem," Japan explained.

"Oh," Italy said. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Italy spoke up again, "This is a really long national anthem."

"From the Greeks of old whose dying  
brought to life and spirit free  
now with ancient valour rising  
let us hail you, oh Liberty!"

Japan turned to Italy, "He has been doing this for past half hour."

_**Fact: Lithuania gets about 80% of its electricity from nuclear power. **_

Poland was busily painting his nails a lovely shade of pink and watching a show on MTV when all of a sudden – darkness.

It took him a second to realize what happened, "LIET, THE POWER JUST, LIKE, TOTALLY WENT OUT!"

Lithuania entered the room, holding a flashlight, "Oh, no problem, hold on a second."

Lithuania walked over to where his bag was and unzipped it. He put on a rubber glove and removed a glowing, green rod.

"Okay, now I just need to-"

"WHAT IS THAT!?"

_**Fact: In Japan, the ratio of vending machines to people is 1 to 20. Things that vending machines there sell include: Rice, pornography, cell phone recharges, toilet paper, liquor, pet rhinoceros beetles, and, of course, the infamous used schoolgirl panties. **_

"Big Brother France, C'mon!"

"Itary-kun, we are in public! Use our human names!"

Italy had finally convinced his older brother to visit Japan's house. France, finding Japan's culture to be a bit odd, had politely declined previous offers, but this time, after much begging from Italy, he decided he'd spend a few days there. They were walking through the streets of Tokyo and France had to admit, the culture wasn't as weird as America had told him it was.

There was one thing strange that he had noticed, however.

Vending machines. Everywhere. On pretty much every street corner.

"Kiku, what is with all of these vending machines?" France stopped at one to view the odd contents. _Rice? Who would sell rice in a vending machine,_ he thought.

"We sell all kinds of things in vending machines here," said Japan.

"Hey Ja- I mean, Kiku! What's with these!?" Italy shouted, pointing to another vending machine. Japan blushed. A few people passing by on the street snickered.

"Oh, uh," Japan was visibly embarrassed, "Th-those are u-used panties."

France sped over to the machine where Italy was standing and peered into the glass.

"HONHONHONHONHON!" *Rape face*

"Ah! Japan! He's scaring me!"

_**Fact: The Vietnamese unit of currency is the dong. **_

"It was very nice of you to invite me over to your house, aru~!" China said.

"You are welcome, Mr. China. I am very grateful for your efforts to help my economy," replied Vietnam, "I am sorry that I must drag you along for my grocery shopping, though."

"Oh, it's no problem, aru." China waved his hand, dismissing her, "Go finish up you shopping."

China waited, sitting on a bench, as Vietnam went to purchase food from a vendor across the street. She was preparing dinner for the meeting between her, China, and their respective bosses.

Vietnam, realizing that she didn't have quite enough money in her purse to make her purchase, quickly crossed the street back to where China was.

"Mr. China!"

"Yes, aru?"

"Do you have an extra dong?" she asked.

China's eyes went wide, "D-do I have an extra w-what, aru?"

"Do you have a dong or two?' She was confused by China's odd reaction.

China wasn't quite sure how to respond, "U-uh, no, I just have one."

"Oh, well can I use it?"

China's face went pale.

"WHAT!?"

_**Fact: There is a town in Norway called Hell (as is there in Michigan and most likely other places, but as an example let's use Norway)**_

"C'mon, Iceland, call Norway 'Big Brother'!" Finland pleaded a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, and you can call us Big Brother, too!" Denmark jeered.

The Nordics were once again teasing Iceland, trying to get him to call Norway "Big Brother". Iceland didn't seem like he was going to budge, though.

"No. I'm a grown man."

"Pleeeeeease!"

"Please?"

"Please?"

"Please?"

Iceland's expression became increasingly more irritated. Norway also seemed to be getting tired of seeing his younger brother refuse to call him "Big Brother" like he had always promised he would if they turned out to be brothers. He decided it was time that he just went home.

He stood up, walked across the room, and opened up the front door.

Denmark stopped laughing at Iceland long enough to notice Norway leaving, "Hey, Norway, where are you going?"

"I'm going to Hell," Norway responded, before leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Denmark stared at the door in horror before looking at Iceland, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO NORWAY!?"

**Okay, everyone! That's it for now! To be continued….maybe. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Fact: A company in Germany almost went bankrupt after an employee ran up a $40,000 phone bill by calling sex hotlines. **_

Germany didn't understand how it was possible. He stared, dumbfounded, at the bill in his hand. $40,000? How could the phone bill possibly be $40,000? There was no mistake, the bill was for him; Ludwig Beilschmidt. He certainly didn't use his phone that much, how could-

"Kesesesese!"

Ugh, Gott. Prussia.

Of course.

Germany grabbed the bill and stood up a barged into his brother's room. Stupid arschloch, running up the phone bill. Who the hell was he calling so often?

"Bruder! Vhat have you been-"

"Kesesesese, and then what would you do?"

"BRUDER!"

"AH! WEST!"

_**Fact: Belgium once attempted to deliver mail using cats. The idea, to say the least, did not work very well. **_

"Go, Pierre #1!" France pointed in a general direction and a small, white, plump bird with a note in its mouth flew off, feebly flapping its stubby wings.

Belgium skipped over, just in time to see the bird disappear into the trees, "Hey, France. What's with that bird?"

"Zat is not just any bird, it is Pierre #1! I use him for communication with Spain," France explained, running his hand through his golden locks of hair.

"You use a bird to deliver your mail?" Belgium asked.

"Why, of course. Everyone is using animals to deliver their mail now!"

[A little while later…]

"AAAAHHH! ROMANO! HELP ME!"

Spain felt the blood draining from him. He felt week. As consciousness slowly started to leave him and his vision started to fade, he fell to the floor. He managed to keep his eyes open for a few more seconds. The last thing he saw before blacking out was Belarus's cat, standing over him.

"MEEEOOW!"

*Darkness*

_**Fact: There is a school in Italy that teaches people how to become drag queens. **_

"Ciao, Poland!" Italy called out.

"Oh, hey Ita," Poland said coolly, "So, like, do you like my outfit?" Poland gestured at his clothing. Today, he was wearing a frilly, white blouse with a blue, plaid skirt.

"It's really cool, Poland! I like it!" Italy beamed, "I love you skirt!"

"Oh, really? So, you like the way I dress?" Poland asked, batting his eyelids.

"Yeah! It's weird; no one dresses like this in my country," Italy said.

"That's, like, a bummer…Hey, I have an idea of what you can do!"

"Really, what?" Italy asked.

_A few days later… _

Germany was surprised when he entered the kitchen that morning to find that Italy was already up. "Good morning, Italy. Vhat are you doing up so early?"

"Huh? Oh! Buongiorno, Germany! I'm getting ready for school!" Italy explained excitedly.

"School? You're going to school?"

"Yeah!" Italy exclaimed. "Um…have you seen my school uniform? I can't find it."

"Er, school uniform? I don't think so, vhat does it look like?" Germany asked, watching the Italian searching around the room. After deciding that his uniform wasn't in the kitchen, Italy scurried into the living room. Germany sighed, opening the fridge to find something to eat for breakfast.

"Fantastico! I found it!" Italy had returned to the kitchen.

"Vell, that's good- uh…." Germany was horrified to see the Italian holding up a red g-string.

0_o

_**Fact: It was once widely believed, particularly in European countries, that Valentine's Day was a particularly great day for preparing eel heart for magical purposes. More specifically; seeing into the future.**_

Bulgaria smiled to himself as he waited for the door to be answered. This was the day that he was finally going to tell Romania. It was the most romantic day of the year, after all.

He was surprised, however, when Romania did not answer the door.

"Britain?"

"Hello, Bulgaria. Come inside, Romania's in the kitchen."

Romania stepped into the house, walking past Britain. He couldn't help but feel crestfallen. Had he missed his chance? He knew that Romania and Britain often hung out together due to their….similar interests, but they couldn't be together, could they?

Upon walking into the kitchen, he saw Romania, hard at work, preparing some sort of odd looking meat.

"H-hey, Romania. What are you doing there?"

"Britain and I have been preparing this," Romania said, gesturing towards the strange meat. "Would you like some?"

Looking at the meat, Bulgaria didn't find it to look particularly appetizing, "Th-that's alright…..but, uh, what exactly is that?"

"An eel heart," Romania replied simply.

"EEL HEART!?"

"Yup," Romania said, before cutting off a small piece and putting it into his mouth.

Romania saw a bright flash of light:

"_Ah, Ludwig! I am glad that you are here! I had the most amazing idea; Ve vill have our scientists teach dogs to talk!" _

_*sigh* "Yes, Fuehrer."*_

Turning back to Bulgaria, he smiled, "So, Bulgaria, why are you here?"

"Um- I," Bulgaria stuttered. He held out the roses he had bought for his friend, "Happy Valentine's Day, Romania."

Romania looked slightly surprised, but he quickly gained his composure and took the flowers, smiling warmly at Bulgaria, "Thank you, Bulgaria."

Bulgaria smiled, blushing slightly, "Oh, you know, I just thought maybe-"

"I can use these for divination!"

_**Fact: It was once against the law to slam your car door in Switzerland. **_

"Germaaaanyyy! Why do we have to go to Mr. Switzerland's house? He's mean!" Italy whined.

"Because," Germany said, "Ve need to try and convince him to let us use his air space. It vill give us an advantage over the Allies."

"Ve ~, OK. But I don't want him to join the Axis."

"Don't vorry, Italy. Switzerland would never agree to that nor want that," Germany put the car in park and turned off the ignition, "Ve're here, Italy. Try not to make a spectacle of yourself."

The Italian, happy to finally be able to stretch his legs, quickly hopped out of the car, shutting the door behind him with maybe a little too much vigor.

"WHO DID THAT!?"

"Ah, Svitzerland, there you are," Germany said, turning his head in the direction of the voice.

"Oh, ciao, Mr. Switzerland! Why do you have a-"

*Cocks a gun*

"UWAAAA!"

_***Fact: During World War II, German scientists attempted to teach dogs how to talk. I'm dead serious, that's not a joke. **_

Germany sighed as he stopped in front of the door to his boss's office. He actually preferred being with Italy more than the maniacal German man. He slowly reached out his hand and knocked on the door.

"WHO'S THERE!?"

"It's just me, sir," Germany replied through the door.

The door slowly creaked open and a pair of bloodshot eyes peeked around it. As soon as the eyes set sight on Germany, the man behind the door pulled it open.

"Ah, Ludwig! I am glad that you are here! I had the most amazing idea; Ve vill have our scientists teach dogs to talk!"

Germany sighed, "Yes, Fuehrer."

"Look, I'm already vorking on it!" He gestured towards a small Pomeranian sitting on the couch. "Go ahead, say it!" He seemed to be talking to the dog.

The dog, in turn, made a growling/gurgling noise, "Herarrou!"

Germany's boss looked at him hopefully, "Vell…"

"Er, I'm not sure vhat I'm supposed to be hearing."

"He's saying 'I love you'!"

*Face-palm*


	3. Chapter 3

**Huzzah! I have returned with a THIRD chapter! So…well…here ya go. **

_**Fact: The bikini made its debut to the world in a fashion show in Paris. The term bikini comes from the name of an American atomic bomb test site called Bikini Atoll. According to the French designers, this is its namesake because it was said that the bikini would create "a stir bigger than the bomb itself."**_

"So, Amerique, what do you think of it?"

"I like it! But don't you think it would've been better to put it on…you know, a female model?"

"Are you saying zat you do not like my body?! I am offended, Amerique."

"No, your body's fine…it's just…the top looks kinda weird on a guy."

"But I compensated for that!" France retorted, gesturing to the grapefruits he had stuffed into the swimsuit top. "And you should feel honored; I named it after that atomic bomb test site of yours. I call it 'the Bikini'!"

It was then that Germany and Italy picked the wrong time to arrive at the world meeting.

"Hey Big Brother, Fra- umm…."

"Oh, Italy!" France smiled at his younger brother, "Do you like it?"

"Umm…no it's kinda creepy, actually…"

Germany gave the Italian an odd look, "Weren't you the one who was wearing a g-string earlier?"

(Enter Japan) "Good morning, everyone….. are those grapefruits France-san?"

**(A/N): If you were curious, the "bikini" in Bikini Atoll comes from the Marshallese words "pik" meaning "surface" and "ni" meaning "coconut". So remember this; every time you wear a bikini, you are wearing a "surface coconut". 0_o **

_**Fact: In California, USA it is illegal for animals to publicly mate (You have to wonder how this law is enforced) **_

America and Britain laughed, watching their two cats chase each other around the park.

"Aw, isn't that adorable?" America said, smiling.

"Yes, I suppose it is," Britain replied.

America yawned, stretching his arms, "It's a nice day, isn't it?"

Britain nodded his head in agreement, "It always seems to be sunny in California."

"Ha, I but you're not used to that."

"It doesn't rain _that _often in my country."

"Uh, yeah, it kinda does- OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Americat, get off of Britain-cat!"

_**Fact: If you are ever in Europe, you should make sure to visit the town of Fucking, Austria. **_

"So, Austria, where are you going? Kesesesese,"

"Prussia, vhat are you doing here?" Austria asked, buttoning his coat.

"Kesesese. West kicked me out, so I came here. Now, you didn't answer my question, where are you going?"

"Fucking."

The smile on Prussia's face fell, "F-fucking?"

"Yes," Austria said, "Fucking. Is there something wrong with that?"

Prussia looked like his heart had just been broken, "V-vell, don't you think that Hungary will be mad?"

"Hungary? Vhat does she have to do vith anything?" Austria asked, confused.

"Vell, you know, she still…likes you."

"Yes, I'm aware of that. I don't understand how the two things are related however-"

"ARE YOU AND HUNGARY HAVING SEX!?"

"…..VHAT!?"

**(A/N): Oh, but it gets better! The town of Fucking, Austria takes its name from the sixth-century nobleman Lord Fucko. **

_**Fact: There are some very interesting names of products from different countries, particularly drinks, for example:**_

"Hey, Japan, what do you have there?" America asked, sipping a drink from a can.

Japan looked at the small objects in his hand, "Oh, this? These are my Creamy Balls."

America choked on his drink, "You're what!?"

"Creamy Balls," Japan repeated, "They are a candy."

America tried to hold back a laugh, "Um, right, okay."

Japan was confused by the American's apparent amusement. However he refrained from saying anything about it, as usual, "Hey, America-kun. What are you drinking?"

America took another sip of his drink before answering, "Pimp Juice."

France threw back his head in laughter, "Pimp Juice!?"

America gave him a look, "Okay, fine, what are _you_ drinking, Frenchie?"

"Pschitt."

"Shit?"

"Oui, Pschitt. It tastes amazing."

Poland raised an eyebrow, "I, like, bet that Fart Juice totally tastes better."

America snorted, laughing childishly, "Fart Juice!?"

France chuckled slightly, "How about you, Prussia, what are you drinking?"

Prussia looked at the can in his hand, "Kesesese, Erektus. Slovakia gave it to me. Hey, Greece, vhat kind of beer is that?"

"Vergina," Greece replied quietly.

A cry of annoyance came from the corner of the room. The countries turned their heads to see an annoyed looking China, "This Ass Glue is not working! This chair keeps falling apart, aru!"

"Dude, don't use that," America said, pulling a bottle out of his pocket, "Use Sticky Ass Glue, it works way better! Hey Finland, where are you going?"

Finland paused halfway out the door, "Oh, there was a snow storm, so I need to go de-ice the locks on my car, so I have some Super Piss!"

The countries all began laughing.

"You're really immature, the whole lot of you!" Britain pointed out, "Now, who wants scones?"

"I'd rather drink France's shit."

"Pschitt."

"That's what I said!"

_**Fact: According to Japan's Honor Law of Marriage, an older brother is entitled to ask for his younger brother's significant other's hand in marriage. **_

Romano sighed. It was like his worst nightmare had come to life. His little fratello and the stupid potato bastard; together.

"Romano-kun, why do you look so sad?"

Romano looked up, "Oh, Japan! Ciao…"

Japan sat down next to him, "So, what is wrong?"

Romano sighed again, "It's Veneziano. He and the potato bastard are together now. I'm worried about him. That German bastard is a bad influence on him. But how could I possibly get them to end it with each other? My idiot brother loves him."

Japan thought for a moment, "Well, in _my_ country…"

_Later…_

"Feli, I have something to tell you," Germany said, "Romano and I are getting married."

Italy stared at his lover and his older brother sitting on the couch across from him, his eyes wide.

"UWAA!"

**Okay, well that's it for this chapter! Sorry if it was less funny. I've haven't been able to find the time to do some really extensive research into random country related factoids. I will try, though! So, Adios!~ **


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back!~ Sorry it's taken a while to update. I've been working on some other stuff so it's hard to research random facts. Although, in my "research" I made an interesting discover. Does anyone remember that episode of SpongeBob where SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are camping and attacked by the Sea-Bear? And Patrick and SpongeBob draw the white circle around them in the sand to protect themselves? This is definitely based of a Brothers Grimm fairy tale called "The Girl Without Hands". Anyway….**

_**Fact: In France, you can legally marry a dead person as long as preliminary civic formalities have been completed which show that you and your fiancé had planned to marry before your fiancé died.**_

"Everyone! Guess what!?" France said, entering the conference room, "I am getting married!"

The other countries looked surprised. Married?

"That's great! But…to who?" Spain asked.

"It's not….Mattie, is it?" America asked, a concerned look on his face.

"No."

"Is it Seychelles? Or maybe Monaco?"

"No."

"Is it…Austria?"

*Le sigh* "No."

"Hungary? Wait, no, she hates you…"

"….Belgium?"

"No, it is Jeanne d'Arc!" France grinned.

The nations in the room went silent.

"…..ARE YOU BLOODY MAD!? She's been dead for the past 580 years!" Britain exclaimed.

"So, what!? We were planning on getting married before she died! So it's not weird!" France retorted, looking livid, "L'amour survives even past death!" With that he stormed out of the room.

"…..vait," Germany said, "580 years? Vouldn't her body be-"

France reentered the room, a skeleton tucked under his arm. France held up one of the skeleton's hands to reveal a ring on one of the fingers. "See!? It has my human name engraved into it! Right next to hers! Now, if you will excuse me, my wife and I-"

"UWAA! GERMANY! A DEAD PERSON! HELP ME!"

_**Fact: For some inexplicable reason, the Teletubbies theme song was extremely popular in both Britain and the Netherlands. It hit #13 in the Netherlands and #1 in the UK. **_

"Big brother!"

Netherlands quickly shut his laptop, just in time for Belgium to burst through the door, "Big brother, dinner is ready! Are you coming?"

He blushed, thanking the heavens that she hadn't seen what was on his laptop, "Y-yes. I'll be there in just a second."

Belgium raised an eyebrow at him, "What are you looking at?"

"N-nothing. Go away, I told you I'll be there in a second."

Belgium put her hands on her hips, "Are you looking at porn?"

"No!"

Belgium maintained a look of suspicion, however, she relented, "Well…okay…" She exited the room, shutting the door behind her.

Netherlands couldn't help it. He opened the laptop back up and resumed the video,

"Over the hills and far away,  
Teletubbies come to play  
Time for teletubbies,  
time for teletubbies,"

The door flew open, "HA! I know you were -!...uhh…."

"DON'T LOOK!"

_**Fact: In 2010 there was a 60 mile long traffic jam in China that lasted 10 days.**_

Day 1

Dear diary, aru~

This traffic jam has been going on for hours! I hope it ends soon…

Day 2

Dear diary, aru~

This traffic jam has gone on for a full day! What could possibly be the problem!?

Day 5

Dear Diary, aru

No food…no water….I can't *cough cough* go on….. I don't think I'll be able to make it aru~ Tell my family that I love them…..oh, wait, never mind.

Day 7

Dear diary,

I found *cough* a packet of creamer in the middle of the road….and a few leaves….I don't know if I'll be able to find any decent food, aru. America once told me about a survivalist man on TV who drinks his own piss….but I don't want to do that, aru.

Day 9

OMFGWTF RUSSIA IS IN THE BACK SEAT!

_**Fact: In Bulgaria and Greece, a nod of the head means "no" and shaking one's head means "yes". **_

ARE YOU READY TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!?...kinda.

"Hello Greece! Hello Japan!" Bulgaria greeted the two nations happily.

"Oh, konnichiwa, Bulgaria-san," Japan said.

Greece said nothing. Japan continued, "Er, what is it that you wanted to talk about, Bulgaria-san? In your note you said that you wanted to ask us something."

Bulgaria looked uncomfortable, "Well….you see….I made a bet with Hungary…..and um…."

"Hai, what is it?" Japan asked.

"In the Lazy Comic Country strip of the webcomic….did you two really….you know, do it?" Bulgaria asked, nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot (not because the question was uncomfortable, because he was uncomfortable with breaking the fourth wall).

Japan blushed. He looked at Greece

_Please say no, please say no, please say no. It was all a dream, right? That is all it was! A dream! Yeah, a dream!_

Japan let out a sigh of relief as Greece shook his head.

Bulgaria looked surprised, "Oh! Really? I guess I was wrong then. Well, uh, bye…you guys."

Bulgaria walked off. Japan turned to Greece, "Bulgaria-san thought that we slept together? That is, uh, odd." He laughed nervously, "Heh, heh. Right….Greece?"

Greece gave him a confused look, but said nothing.

_Later…_

"Japan!" Hungary exclaimed, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend! Can I have some pictures for my yaoi collection?"

"I thought that - ! But – WHAT!?"

_**Fact: In France it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon.**_

"Okay, now I have to turn…left? Oui, left. And then-" France's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He glanced at the caller ID while trying to keep his eyes on the road.

"Ack, why is Angleterre calling me?" He put it on speaker phone and set it down, trying to remember which road he had to take next. "What do you want, Britain!?"

Britain laughed, "Guess what, frog!? I bought a pet pig! Guess what its name is!?"

France clenched his fists around the steering wheel in anger, "You wouldn't dare- "

"NAPOLEON! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"HOW DARE YOU!" France shouted.

"I bought another pig before but it died, so I named in Jeanne d'Arc! HAHAHAHAHA!"

France turned to the skeleton sitting in the passenger seat, "It's alright, mon cher, don't take it personally."

_**Fact: This is a relatively well known fact, but hilarious nonetheless; US military interrogators have been known to use, among other songs, Metallica's Enter Sandman and the Barney theme song to get Iraqi prisoners to break.**_

"I love you, you love me~ -"

"ALRIGHT, I ADMIT IT, I PLANTED THE BOMB!"

Hmm…" America said, "This actually works pretty well. I wonder what would happen if I tried it on other people."

_Later…_

"Ha! Britain will never be able to put up with the Teletubbies theme song! He'll break within seconds!"

America entered to the room, smiling at the sight of the Brit. Struggling to get out of the ropes that tied him to the chair.

"America! What the bloody hell are you doing!? Let me go this instant!"

"No, I'm doing this as an experiment!"

America got onto his laptop, which was hooked up to some large speakers that were strategically placed right next to Britain's head, and started playing the wretched song.

"Over the hills and far away,  
Teletubbies come to play  
Time for teletubbies,  
time for teletubbies"

Britain blushed, trying to prevent his lips from forming into a smile.

America smirked at the Brit, "And I'm not going to stop it until you…" he thought for a moment, "…admit that Sealand is a country!"

America was shocked when Britain started humming along with the song, "WHAT!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"I…kinda like this song…"

America stared at him, "….that's fucked up, dude."

**Well, that's it for now, everyone! I'll try to get some more facts so that I can update quicker! Adios!**


	5. Chapter 5

**WAAAAZZZZZZUUUP!? I have returned with ANOTHER chapter. Sorry that it's been taking me so long to update. I've been working on a lot of other stuff. I apologize to anyone with or who knows someone with AIDS or SARS who is offended by this chapter…don't ask…. Also, as an explanatory note, I'm sure most people are aware of this but just in case; Papa Hima has never revealed New Zealand's gender and as some point it was a joke that New Zealand would never tell anyone when asked. **

_**Fact: In Iceland, you can find the Holmavik Museum of Sorcery and Witchcraft, which contains a lovely exhibit about necropants. Necropants, in case you were wondering, are pants made from the skin of dead people, taken directly from the corpses' legs. Some even leave the genitalia in place.**_

"Hey, Iceland! How are you?" Finland greeted.

"Oh, I am fine…" Iceland replied. He dug his foot into the ground nervously.

Then, Finland noticed something. "Hey….Iceland? Are those pants, uh, leather or something? And…..i-is your fly down?"

"I made these pants," Iceland said, "They're my necropants."

"That's cool! What are they made of?"

"…"

"…where'd Denmark go?"

"…"

_**Fact: Earlier this month a former playboy model was arrested in Canada after she was caught attempting to smuggle a man into the U.S.**_

"Prussia…dude… I'm going to ask you one more time; what's in the suitcase?" America was tapping his foot impatiently.

"Nothing! I was just…it's… a mannequin…to put my clothes on..."

"Right…" America waved over the TSA agents, who immediately marched over and grabbed the suspicious luggage.

"Wait! No!" Prussia lunged forward, but America grabbed his shirt and pulled him back. One of the TSA agents grabbed the zipper and pulled it open.

Prussia and America stopped squabbling for a second. Many awkward looks were exchanged

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…MATTIE!?"

"Quick! Birdie! Run!"

_**Fact: I have done it! I've found some more unfortunate product names from around the world!**_

"Who wants chocolate!?" a sing-song voice called out as Belgium entered the room. The various countries in the room turned their heads. Belgium had her arms wrapped around a large basket filled with chocolate bars.

She excitedly pranced around the room, passing out chocolate bars. The countries accepted the chocolate, somewhat amused. Lithuania unwrapped the bar and took a bite out of it. "Hmm…this is really good, Belgium! What kind of chocolate is this?"

Belgium paused. "Oh, I have a lot of different kinds of chocolate. I think I gave you Craps! France told me about them."

"What kind do I have?" Prussia asked, holding up his bar.

"That's Hershey's! America gave it to me!"

"Hey Belgium, what do I have?" Spain asked.

She didn't seem to notice him for a few seconds. She was pointing out other various brands of chocolate to everyone else.

"Hmph," Romano said, "She doesn't even bother to acknowledge you."

Spain laughed, ruffling Romano's hair, "Aww, Lovi don't be like that! Belgium and I aren't together anymore, you know that."

"Whatever," Romano huffed.

"We're just friends, Lovi! Really!" Spain assured him.

Immediately after Spain said this, Belgium suddenly appeared in front of them. She pointed at Spain, "You have Big Nuts, Spain!"

Romano glared at him.

Spain's eyes went wide. "Uh, que?"

"I make those in _my_ country!" Belgium said, not noticing the awkward mood.

Across the room America and Australia sat next to each other. Australia was quietly eating ice cream and listening with great interest to America rambling on about Marvel comics.

America paused for a second to stuff some candy in his mouth. Australia stared at his bowl of ice cream, "…I love Gaytime."

**Explanatory Note:**

**In Australia, there is an ice cream brand called "Golden Gaytime"! …yeah, I don't know.**

America choked. He whipped his head around to look at Britain, who, he was relieved to see, did not notice. He turned back to Australia, "U-uh, you're not talking about me, are you?"

Australia gave him a confused look, "No…I'm talking about my ice cream. Don't they have this at your place?"

"Um…no."

They were silent for a few seconds before America suddenly turned to face everyone else and loudly asked, "Hey! Who wants my Ayds!?"

New Zealand did a spit take, spraying all of the nearby nations with his/her drink.

"Ah! Watch out New Zealand! You're getting your SARS everywhere!"

"Hey, Iggy! You want my Ayds?" America asked.

Britain stared at him, "You have….AIDS?"

America laughed, "Uh…yeah."

"WHO GAVE IT TO YOU!?"

America jumped in surprise. "Whoa! Calm down, dude. I bought it."

A look of horror appeared on Britain's face. "Bought it? As in…. from…a prostitute?"

America raised an eyebrow. "Noooooooo. Who buys candy from a hooker?"

Spain suddenly felt very thirsty. He noticed that Japan had two or three bottles of some sort of fruit drink next to him. "Hey, Japan! What do you got there?"

Japan set down the bottle that he was sipping from. "Kagome."

**Explanatory Note:**

**Kagome is a Japanese fruit drink. I would imagine that it is not very popular in Spanish speaking countries, as in Spanish, Kagome sounds a lot like "I shit myself". **

"Um…right. Never mind. What are you drinking, Germany?"

"Dickmilch."

"Eww!' Italy exclaimed, "Don't be gross, Germany! Ve~ I'm hungry. Finland, can I have some of your Jussipussi?"

"Sure, Italy!" Finland said. He reached into a plastic bag and pulled out a biscuit, handing it to Italy. "If you don't like that, I have some Megapussi too."

**Explanatory Note:**

**Just to be clear, "_pussi_" means "_bag_" in Finnish. **

_**Fact: Liechtenstein's main exports include dental products and sausage casings.**_

"Hi, Liechtenstein! What are you doing?"

"Oh, hi Sealand," Liechtenstein said sadly. "I've been trying to get my GDP up so that Switzy doesn't have to worry about me as much. And I've been trying to do things on my own more….but this lemonade stand idea isn't working. So far, only Mr. Austria bought some. Mr. Austria's nice…"

"Well a lemonade stand isn't going to work! You need to sell something that other countries will actually need! I sell boat slips so that people can dock their boats at my country," Sealand explained.

Liechtenstein nodded in agreement. "That sounds like a good idea, but Big Bruder Switzerland handles all of our natural resources, and I'm trying to do things on my own…."

"Well, there must be something you can use! Come on, I'll help you out!"

_Later…_

"Oh, Liechtenstein. Vhat happened to that little lemonade stand of yours?"

"Hello, Mr. Austria! Sealand told me that I should sell things that countries will want to import, so he and I went through my natural resources and we found some cool stuff! Do you want some denture cream and sausage casings?"

"Uhh…." _If I say no, I vill look like a jerk. And even vorse, Svitzerland vould probably get after me vith his gun. But if I say yes, then I'm going to be stuck with a bunch of denture cream and sausage casings, and Liechtenstein von't learn an important lesson about handling her economy. Gott verdammt! _

_**Fact: 22% of New Zealanders have used Cannabis**_

*Sigh* "You know, Sealand. I don't think many countries want to import dental products….or sausage casings. This hasn't been working very vell."

Sealand nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right. Come to think of it, no one buys my boat slips. Maybe we need to ask a bigger country. Look there's one!"

Sealand pointed to a very androgynous looking nation walking down the hall. "Hello there, friend! Can you tell us what we should sell to get lots of money!?"

New Zealand smiled at him. "Oh, hello Sealand! You guys are looking for something to sell?"

"Yeah! Something that all the countries will really want to buy!"

"Oh, I know something!"

_The next day… _

"Hello, Svitzerland," Austria said, walking up behind the blond nation.

Switzerland jumped, "Oh…Good morning….Austria."

"So how's Liechtenstein doing vith her GDP?"

Switzerland looked at him, slightly suspicious. "Her GDP?"

"Oh, you didn't know? Liechtenstein's been trying to get her GDP up by increasing her exports. She's been having a little trouble, though."

Switzerland looked down. "…how has she been doing that?"

"Vell, she had a lemonade stand, and yesterday she vas selling denture cream and sausage casings for some reason. Poor thing, no one vas buying anything from her. And- oh!"

Switzerland and Austria both stopped. There were at least 50 countries gathered around a small table that Austria recognized to be Liechtenstein and Sealand's stand.

Austria and Switzerland quickly cut through to the front to see what was going on. Liechtenstein was collecting money from nations. New Zealand was leaning against the wall behind the stand, smiling. Sealand was crouched on top of the stand, shouting and passing out bags. "Come get your weed! We got everything! We got Jamaican Red Hair! We got Hot Sticks! We got Golden Leaf! We got some Jefferson Airplane! Come get your weed!"

"NEW ZEALAND!"

New Zealand noticed the furious looking Switzerland. Uh-oh. Busted.

New Zealand dashed through the crowd, trying to get away as fast as possible, but it was difficult.

"OH YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY THAT EASILY!"

*Cocks a gun*

"Oh! Hi Big Bruder!"

_**Fact: Holy Roman Emperor Sigismund once declared that the twelve days following Christmas were excellent for hunting werewolves.**_

"Sir! We need to take care of the problems we are having with our treasury!"

"Sir!

"Holy Rome! The Germanic tribes are starting to get unruly! What are we going to do about that!?"

"Sir!"

"Sir!"

Holy Rome threw his hands up, "Okay! Quiet! We all need to calm down!"

Chibitalia and Hungary watched nervously from the doorway. Italy looked up sadly at Hungary. "They're all lashing out at him. I hope he's alright."

Hungary nodded, trying hard not to look scared in front of poor, little Italy.

"Now! What issues do we need to discuss?" Holy Rome asked the room.

A man in the back stood up, "Sir. I'd like to know what we are going to do about the Ottomans."

The others muttered in agreement.

Holy Rome looked nervous. He honestly didn't know. The Ottomans were gaining power at an alarming rate. He didn't even think there was anything that he _could_ do. The men started to grow restless, murmuring their annoyance to each other. Some started calling out questions to Holy Rome. The group was clearly becoming irritated.

"WAIT!"

The room went silent again.

Holy Rome gulped. He looked around nervously, spotting a dog in the corner. "What are we going to do about the werewolf problem!?"

**Explanatory Note: That last drabble there was based off of a joke on my favorite podcast. Now, just as an explanation, this is, in fact, where the origin of the Twelve Days of Christmas song comes from. In the old Gregorian there were twelve days between Christmas and the New Year. The song is not about the twelve days leading up to Christmas as many people assume. Theses twelve days were considered a very dangerous time, for it was when Odin, the wild huntsman, would prowl the forests and try to murder people. Think about it; this was hundreds and hundreds of years ago; the winter was very dark, very cold, and it was a time when people were still very much afraid of the unknown.**

**Well, that's it for now. Sorry that it's taken me soooooo long to update. I'll try to update sooner. And sorry if you were bored by that chapter. Oh well. Until next time, adios! **


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